My Family Fantastic

Creating Experiences That Help Relationships Thrive

Category: Marriage (page 2 of 6)

Hiding Mistakes, Can Cost Your Family

Don't let mistakes spread throughoutHave you ever noticed how people in the same family often repeat the same mistake?

For example, if a child is born to an unwed mother…the child may go on to repeat the same mistakes. Well, I witnessed that happen in my own family and it made me sooooo angry…because I could have stopped it!

But it turns out that it’s not just my family that’s prone to repeat each others mistakes. It happened with one of the most famous Biblical families in history too: Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. The same mistake–willful deception–was repeated over 3 generations. Continue reading

The Secret of Introvert Relationships

EFFECT OFPEOPLE AROUNDINTROVERTSOver the past few days, I’ve found myself defending my introvert husband from my family when he doesn’t show up to one of the millions of family gatherings, basketball games, or social commitments that are thrust upon us. Continue reading

Imagine you and your spouse are whisked away for an all-expense paid 3-day vacation at an exclusive resort. While hanging out on a crisp Saturday morning, your spouse turns to you and says “Look at that hummingbird, have you ever seen one like that before?” You nod (without looking up), say “uh huh” and return to sorting through your Facebook posts.

Your spouse mentioning that hummingbird is an example of an emotional bid for acceptance. An emotional bid is a request for attention, affection, or support and your response to that request generates a critical outcome. Here’s a quick video that explains “emotional bids” . Continue reading

How I Embarrased My Husband

Have you ever been in a situation where the room goes silent, everything is in slow motion, and despite the fact that there are 30 to 40 people in the room you realize…you are the center of attention?

Perhaps that’s happened to all of us. We realize, we should know something that we just don’t know. Continue reading

Nagging Can Quickly Help You Dig Your Marital Grave (Update)

NaggingI opened the refrigerator door to discover that two bags of frozen vegetables had been removed from the freezer, opened, and placed in the refrigerator.

The bags of vegetables were identical.

Both bags were clearly labeled: KEEP FROZEN.

Yet, the vegetables had been left in the refrigerator.

This was a major problem. And, I was furious.

Only one other person lives in our 300 sq ft studio apartment. So, I knew immediately knew who to blame. Continue reading

The Problem with Falling in Love

Falling In LoveThe problem with falling in love, is that you can fall out of it.

But, true love is a decision to stay committed even when things get tough.

We’re talking about this topic today, because two of my friends recently stopped dating nice guys because there was no chemistry. And, it made me a little sad. Because, I don’t want my friends to miss out on true love because of a misconception.

Chemistry Ain’t All That
The misconception is that chemistry/falling in love is the end all be all. It is not. And, I think pop culture has warped our sense of what it takes to make a relationship work.

It also got me to thinking “Did me and Morris have chemistry when we first met?” He says we didn’t. I agree.

We didn’t have chemistry in the sense that our eyes locked, music started to play, and we began that slow walk toward each other across the room like you see in the movies.

Nope, the beginning of our relationship was a series of miscommunication, misread signals, and near misses. But, that’s a tale for another day.

Love is NOT….
Erich Fromm, a German psychologist, explains in his book The Art of Loving that love is an activity, not a passive effect. It is a “standing in” and not a “falling for.”

Dr. Gary Chapman, author of the 5 Love Languages, explains that the feeling of “falling in love” has three problems: 

1. Falling in love is not an act of will…it just happens to you.
2. Falling in love is effortless. We do outlandish things with no effort at all.
3. The “in love” experience does not encourage us to help the other person grow. We view them as perfect.

And, that just ain’t realistic. Because not a one of us is perfect. And it is generally when we realize “Hmmm, this person has some flaws.” That we start to fall out of love.

But, true love empowers us to love each other despite our imperfections.

Love IS….
The Bible explains that love is:

  • patient
  • kind
  • not easily angered
  • not selfish
  • not proud
  • keeps no record of wrongs
  • always protects
  • and always hopes

And, if we base our capacity to be in a loving relationship based on chemistry, we are doomed for failure. Just like the ups and downs of Love and Basketball.

So, do you agree or disagree? Is there a problem with falling in love?

Love, Simone
Image: Love & Basketball

Tax Help for Single Girls (Update)

Image | USA Today

Yehuda Fishkind, a Certified Financial Analyst, came to my job a few years ago to conduct a Financial Planning Seminar for new hires. At the beginning of the seminar, he explained that he was Jewish and that he was here to talk to us about money…so we should listen up.

No argument on my part. After several intense hours of pouring over different retirement plans we took a break for lunch. So, I seized the opportunity to get some one-on-one coaching for my tax situation.

You see, I’ve lived in both Tennessee and Texas where the folks down there have the good sense not to have a state income tax. And, I never realized before what a difference not having a state income tax can make to the take home pay. I explained all this to Yehuda.

Yehuda: Are you investing the maximum pre-tax amount in your 401K?
Simone: Yes

Yehuda: Are you taking the deductions for your student loan interest?
Simone: Yes

Yehuda: Do you contribute to the Health Savings Account?
Simone: Yep

Yehuda: Hmmmm, You should get married.

I can’t remember how I responded to that, but I do remember thinking “Seriously, is that the best advice you can give a single girl?”

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