My Family Fantastic

Creating Experiences That Help Relationships Thrive

Category: Waiting (page 2 of 6)

Who Else Wants to Avoid Getting Hurt?

“I want to have 4-6 kids. I want to be a stay-at-home-mom. I want to be married by the time I’m 30. And, I want to have my first child by the time I’m 33,” these were the talking points I was able to drop into the dinner conversation of me and Morris’s second date at Uno’s Pizzeria.

In my mind, I was just laying out the future and giving him the opportunity to determine if he was in or out. But my running buddy, Rachel, told me the next day that I needed to chill. Well, those weren’t her exact words. It was something to the effect of “just get to know him and see where it goes.”

Simone Boyd, Reporting for Battle

Looking back, my attempt to lay out my life plan was really a plan to protect myself from getting hurt or wasting time. My biological clock was ticking and I didn’t have time to waste! I needed to be in control of where our relationship was going and how quickly it progressed. Continue reading

What Do Men Want?

Have you ever wondered “What do men want?”

Well, I spent a good part of 2014 interviewing Christian, Black, Men to get their perspectives on relationships. And I got a chance to share what I was learning as a guest on WEBR Radio Fairfax’s show, A Different Spirit. Here’s an overview of what we discussed:

  • A man’s most burning question
  • what I’m learning from my interviews with Christian, Black, Men
  • their thoughts on relationships barriers we, women, raise
  • And what Christian, black, men look for in a wife.

If you’d like a peak into the mind of a man listen to the radio show and click here for my  Christian Girl’s Guide to Attracting & Marrying Mr. Right – Quiz! paperbackstanding2

 

Build A -Ship You Can Be Proud Of

All Sorts of -Ships

All Sorts of -Ships

I was listening to a sermon by Dr. Joseph Warren Walker III several years ago and he talked about building ships. Ships are our relationships, courtships, and friendships. And as we stand at the beginning of 2015, I’d like to ask that you set goals for your ships.

I did this for the first time in 2013, and one of my goals was to write two letters a week. As a result, it healed a broken relationship with my younger brother. He says that the letters were encouraging to him because sometimes he doubted if anyone ever thought of him.

The experience was eye opening for me, because I thought about my brother  twice a week… but he never knew it. It turns out; Continue reading

Tax Help for Single Girls (Update)

Image | USA Today

Yehuda Fishkind, a Certified Financial Analyst, came to my job a few years ago to conduct a Financial Planning Seminar for new hires. At the beginning of the seminar, he explained that he was Jewish and that he was here to talk to us about money…so we should listen up.

No argument on my part. After several intense hours of pouring over different retirement plans we took a break for lunch. So, I seized the opportunity to get some one-on-one coaching for my tax situation.

You see, I’ve lived in both Tennessee and Texas where the folks down there have the good sense not to have a state income tax. And, I never realized before what a difference not having a state income tax can make to the take home pay. I explained all this to Yehuda.

Yehuda: Are you investing the maximum pre-tax amount in your 401K?
Simone: Yes

Yehuda: Are you taking the deductions for your student loan interest?
Simone: Yes

Yehuda: Do you contribute to the Health Savings Account?
Simone: Yep

Yehuda: Hmmmm, You should get married.

I can’t remember how I responded to that, but I do remember thinking “Seriously, is that the best advice you can give a single girl?”

The Dating Intervention (Update)

 

Image | recovery.org

A few years ago my dear friend and colleague, Marie, came to my office. I could tell by the way her eye brows were furrowed that she meant business. She edits my work too. So, my first thought was “Lord, what have I done now?”

She sat down and began with the usual pleasantries. “How are you? What are your plans for the weekend, etc. etc.” I explained (nonchalantly) that I was going to run, hang out with some friends, see a musical…the usual.

And then the boot dropped. Marie was here to stage an intervention for my dating life.

“Simone, do you even want to meet a guy? I mean, have you even asked God where you can meet guys? I mean to date…not to evangelize. Seriously, he’s not going to show up on your door step wearing a t-shirt that says ‘I’m the one.’ Simone, I don’t think you are taking this stuff seriously because if you were…you would be trying to make yourself available. Its going to take two years you know. One to date and a year to be engaged. Have you thought about that? I doubt it. Because clearly, you’d be frustrated if you had!”

People, I cannot make this stuff up.

So, after an hour of “counseling.” We agreed that I would make better decisions on how I spent my time. The goal was to make myself more available to meeting guys.

As a good faith effort, I decided to go to a fireworks display that Saturday night, rather than a musical. Let’s face it there wouldn’t be any eligible bachelor’s at Mama Mia .

However, I didn’t tell Marie that I spent Friday night…in my apartment…reading a book until 4:30 a.m. That would have landed me another tongue lashing.

Thank God for Marie, though. Being available is a big part of the dating game. And, she knew what she was talking about too, because less than two years later…I was hitched.

How to Recover from the Mr. Wrongs and Get Ready for Mr. Right

Spiritually speaking, my college years were dark. And, when I look back on those years I shudder.  Because, I entangled myself in bad relationships and situations that could’ve ended in a number of dire situations.

Thankfully, the Lord used those years to teach me priceless lessons. And, God has used my story to free other women. Looking back, I can see that it was all about rebellion.

Mr. Wrongs

Rebellion from the lessons of faith I had been taught growing up. I thought I was running into freedom, but I was actually running into destruction. And, it took a long time to untangle my soul from the men I had attached myself to. My road to redemption started with me telling my dad that I didn’t want to live that kind of life anymore. But, it was still a long road from there.

The Switch

While living in El Paso, TX with my grandfather, I began dating my first Christian guy. I had it all planned out– we were going to get married. He went to church and loved Jesus. That was enough for me. Let’s seal the deal.

I didn’t know it at the time, but he had asked my dad if we could get married. And, we had only dated a few months. My dad’s response was “let’s see what happens.” Not, exactly a vote of confidence. There were a few red flags, but nothing I couldn’t “sort out” once we were hitched.The relationship seemed to be going well until September of 2007.

And, then the boot dropped. He gave me an ultimatum. Was I going to stay in El Paso after school or move away?

And, I…I didn’t have an answer. I wanted to be open to God’s will. I didn’t want to commit myself to El Paso! My life was just starting. And, I said just that.

And, he broke up with me.
I was crushed. I cried and listened to Jennifer Hudson’s “And, I’m telling you I’m Not Going” for about 3 weeks. And, I watched Mahogany with Dianna Ross for the first time.

The Good News

The good news is that I survived. And, God continues to use my sordid past and my terrible break up for His glory.
Romans 8:28 says that: And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. God didn’t intend for me to experience those things. It was my disobedience that led me down that path. But, He can use it all the same.

My Dating Hiatus

I swore off men for three years after my break-up. And, the next man that I dated was Morris, my awesome husband.

Milton Yang | Photography

Milton Yang | Photography

During that dating hiatus my relationship with the Lord grew strong. I prayed more. I studied the Bible more, and I began paying off debt and running half marathons. God used my dating hiatus to strengthen me personally. And, heal my heart from relationship wounds.

I read a book this month entitled, The Waiting Room by T.C. Spellen. It is a 31-Day Devotional for single women waiting for the right husband. I loved this book, because it is a spiritual roadmap to preparing for marriage. T.C. includes discussions on:

  • Taming the Tongue
  • Creating Boundaries
  • Praying

These are things that I learned during my dating hiatus. But, I think T.C.’s book could’ve helped me recover from the Mr. Wrongs and prepare for Mr. Right a lot faster.Question: How have you recovered from the Mr. Wrongs? And, what’s your strategy to prepare for Mr. Right?

PS: I’m hosting my first relationship workshop next month. I’d love for you to come. You can buy a ticket here.

The RIGHT Person Myth

“Success in marriage is much more than a matter of finding the right person; it is also a matter of being the right person.” That’s what Leland Foster Wood said in his book, Growing Together in Family. 

I’ve been thinking a lot about this topic of being the right person, because often our main objective is focused on the finding. But, being the right person is the essence of what can make our relationships sink or swim. And, I want your relationships to swim. So, I’m sharing this video today.

My friend, Katharine, sent me a talk given by Andy Stanley. He breaks down the right person myth in a funny way, and captures the essence of being the right person beautifully.

It’s 29-minutes. I know, what you are thinking: “Simone, I don’t have that kinda time! I. am. busy.” I get it. I get it, but this is sound advice and I think it is worth your time. Will you watch it? I promise you won’t be disappointed.

So, what did you think? 

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