A couple weeks ago, I got to interview DeVon Franklin and Meagan Good about their new relationship book, The Wait. My editor asked that I write a story about the arch of their relationship—being single, married, and eventual parents. And I did.
But today, I wanted to share parts of the interview I had to leave out.
Why I’m SO Excited
It’s not often we get to hear from a Hollywood couple on why they decided to honor God by saving sex for marriage. (To say that I am excited about their message is an understatement, y’all!)
But I also wanted to get another perspective from a Christian, black, man and get some clarity on points I didn’t quite understand in the book.
We talked about:
- Why singles should put themselves first
- Why we shouldn’t be treated like spouses until we’re married
- Why Meagan didn’t ask DeVon out
- And whether or not women should make the first move
Why You Should Put Yourself First in a Dating Relationship
In The Wait, DeVon and Meagan say singles should put themselves first.
I have to say, I was a little taken aback by this advice. I mean, when we are dating and getting to know someone shouldn’t we be catering to their needs? It feels like the Christian thing to do.
DeVon says no. Because when we’re in the initial stages of dating, we don’t know whether or not the person is trustworthy.
He said “If singles don’t put their own needs first, who will? We often go into relationships and assume that the other person will put your needs first, but many times that is not the case. So you have to put your own health and well-being as your number one priority, until you know that the person you are dating is someone that you can trust.”
You Shouldn’t Be Treated Like a Spouse Until You Are One
This was another hard word. Because if we are working toward marriage—shouldn’t we be treated as such? I mean how else how do we test the waters?
DeVon says that it is really important to preserve the roles and stages of relationships.
“Sometimes in our haste, we blur the lines and progress faster than the stage that we’re at. In the times where I blurred the line, the relationship didn’t work out. So I advise women (and brothers can get made at me or whatever!) to get the situation clear. Many times for men, if you are cool with it [cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping] then I’m cool with it. Don’t behave differently than the stage that you are at, because when we try to fast forward the relationship…usually it leads to false assumptions and expectations. ”
He added “Don’t assume you are on the same page if you haven’t defined where you are, because that can lead to hurt.”
Meagan’s Cautionary Tale
Meagan shared that she made that very mistake with one of her past relationships.
“I was in a [long-distance] relationship. And I was basically living out of state and traveling back and forth for auditions, I was cooking, cleaning, and grocery shopping and doing things that wives may do. I was making him the priority, versus the things I needed to be doing in my career. I found myself acting like a wife without being one, but when situations when come up and I expected to be treated a certain way…I didn’t get that consideration in return.
Reality set in that sometimes, we go into relationships and act out what we want. But we haven’t assessed the situation, and we don’t have the clarity about who the person really is because we are physically involved. But we need to take time and ask: am I making excuses for that person? are we compatible? That clarity comes with The Wait.”
She explained that there are some characteristics and ways that you can grow together while dating, but it’s really important to not act like a spouse until you are one.
Why Didn’t You Ask Devon Out After God Told You He was ‘The One’?
There was nine looooong months between the time that God told Meagan that DeVon was her husband and the time that he asked her out. And I wanted to know why she waited.
She said in one word: obedience.
“Because my first question was ‘Lord, what’s my next move?’ And He said,’ Nothing. I just need you to work on yourself.’ I realized then. There was something I was supposed to be doing in the meantime—cleaning house and getting as ready as I could on my own. Looking back, I realized that if I had approached DeVon prematurely—I would have ruined it. And any false move would have damaged our relationship.”
What’s Your Advice to a Woman Interested in a Man?
DeVon spoke to that.
He said “Don’t be afraid to let your interest be known and give hints. Because you can still preserve the idea of letting a man ask you out. But let him know, if he were to ask…that he wouldn’t be rejected. Give him a clue. Guys can be dense.”
One More Thing…
DeVon added that one of the most attractive things a woman can do is make a man feel protected in his career. He explained that sometimes he would date women, and it felt like they were in competition with his job.
He explained that he was sometimes in situations were women were more interested in the relationship, than him being a success. But the right woman will help a man in his career also. Attraction is not all about sex. Because a woman that believes in her man and supports him, he’ll do almost anything to make sure she is happy.
I’m really grateful that Devon and Meagan are using their voices and platforms and sharing the good, the bad, and the ugly about relationships and the power that comes from honoring God. For more tips and tales from their journey to love, buy The Wait.
Question: What do you think of DeVon and Meagan’s story?