“No man wants to be around a bunch of thirsty Christian singles.” That’s what a lady said to me a few months ago when I asked her about singles ministries. It was the second time in one week I’d heard someone use that phrase.
And it bothered me.
It bothered me because these two ladies felt there was something wrong with them because they wanted to get married. They had internalized the idea that wanting a husband, made them desperate and needy.
But it was all a lie.
The Lie of Self Sufficiency
We live in a world that tells us that we need to be:
- a self-made woman, and
- above all else— independent.
But the truth is: it’s not good for us to be alone.
A recent study linked loneliness and feelings of social isolation to death.
Time magazine reported that the feeling of loneliness increased the risk of death by twenty-six percent. Scientists found that housing and technology trends are contributing factors, because we can interact without being physically present.
But research shows that relationships helps us combat stress and give meaning to our lives.
Maybe that’s why the Good Book talks so much about fellowshipping, family, and marriage.
Made to Crave Community
Because craving community is an innate desire that goes to the core of who we are. We all want to be loved, cared for, understood, and known.
And who better to meet that need than a husband?
It’s Okay to Want a Husband
Dr. Aesha Adams Roberts explains that when we acknowledge the need to be loved, accepted and significant. It helps us see how valuable we are and positions us to receive what someone is giving.
That is not the same as being ‘thirsty.’
Traits of the Thirsty
Because ‘thirsty’ is a new addition to my vocabulary, I had to bring in some reinforcements. Here’s what my three brothers (30, 28, and 26, respectively) said thirsty looks like:
- Attention Seeking
- Seeks “situationships” as a means to fulfill a need
- Talks Provocative
So if you don’t fall into these categories, I think it’s safe to say that you are by no means thirsty.
But in the Meantime…
The desire to be forever connected to the man of your dreams can sometimes be heavy. It may seem like everyone is hitched, engaged, or booed up. I promise you…everyone is not.
After a break up, I once spent a RIDICULOUS number of days eating ice cream, listening to ‘I’m Telling You’ by Jennifer Hudson (on repeat!), and watching Mahogany.
But did I post that on social media? No.
Don’t compare your insides, to other people’s outsides—or what they post.
Surround Yourself with Sisters
Surround yourself with loving people, especially sisters.
After the aforementioned break up, I took a three-year dating hiatus. It wasn’t planned. But I just needed time to recover. My sisters (from work, church, my gym, and neighborhood) helped me heal and helped me discover my gifts and talents—it’s one of the reasons I’m writing now!
That’s the gift of sisters.
Women Are Relational
There is no substitute for good female friendships—even after the man of your dreams comes to sweep you off your feet. So start building those relationships now.
And the next time some knot head tries to make you feel insecure by saying you’re thirsty, your sisters will remind you that: no, you are NOT thirsty.
You just want all that God has for you.
Question: Dearest Sisters, can we agree that the term ‘thirsty’ does not apply to us? I am convinced that it is the voice of the oppressor trying to beat us down.
*This story originally appeared at blackandmarriedwithkids.com*