Creating Experiences That Help Relationships Thrive
Me too.
A few months ago, Morris and I were waiting in line to buy movie tickets and there were 4 people ahead of us. Initially, this was not a problem. But, ten minutes later the line had not moved at all. It was a perfect storm: one cashier, a group of six, seeing several movies, and they had credit card trouble. So, I panicked and began giving the cashier dirty looks that screamed “Seriously?”
I opened the refrigerator door to discover that two bags of frozen vegetables had been removed from the freezer, opened, and placed in the refrigerator.
The bags of vegetables were identical.
Both bags were clearly labeled: KEEP FROZEN.
Yet, the vegetables had been left in the refrigerator.
This was a major problem. And, I was furious.
Only one other person lives in our 300 sq ft studio apartment. So, I knew immediately knew who to blame. Continue reading
And, waiting for Mr. Right to find you takes the patience of Job. You may wonder things like “God, are you really working on this?” Or “Did you know that I am not getting in younger?”
Image: E90post.com
At least, those are the questions I had.
Last week, my sister, Michaela, and I were driving to the store together, and there was a 15-minute period of dead silence that really bothered me.
Perhaps it shouldn’t have, but it did.
Image | Cheezburger.com
I mean, Michaela, is a junior in college and I thought she would want to tell me about all her boy problems, and professor problems, and life in general. But, she really didn’t tell me anything. And, no matter how many questions I asked…they were all met with one word answers. She wasn’t being mean. We just didn’t have anything to talk about. But, shouldn’t sisters always have something to talk about? Continue reading
The problem with falling in love, is that you can fall out of it.
But, true love is a decision to stay committed even when things get tough.
We’re talking about this topic today, because two of my friends recently stopped dating nice guys because there was no chemistry. And, it made me a little sad. Because, I don’t want my friends to miss out on true love because of a misconception.
Chemistry Ain’t All That
The misconception is that chemistry/falling in love is the end all be all. It is not. And, I think pop culture has warped our sense of what it takes to make a relationship work.
It also got me to thinking “Did me and Morris have chemistry when we first met?” He says we didn’t. I agree.
We didn’t have chemistry in the sense that our eyes locked, music started to play, and we began that slow walk toward each other across the room like you see in the movies.
Nope, the beginning of our relationship was a series of miscommunication, misread signals, and near misses. But, that’s a tale for another day.
Love is NOT….
Erich Fromm, a German psychologist, explains in his book The Art of Loving that love is an activity, not a passive effect. It is a “standing in” and not a “falling for.”
Dr. Gary Chapman, author of the 5 Love Languages, explains that the feeling of “falling in love” has three problems:
1. Falling in love is not an act of will…it just happens to you.
2. Falling in love is effortless. We do outlandish things with no effort at all.
3. The “in love” experience does not encourage us to help the other person grow. We view them as perfect.
And, that just ain’t realistic. Because not a one of us is perfect. And it is generally when we realize “Hmmm, this person has some flaws.” That we start to fall out of love.
But, true love empowers us to love each other despite our imperfections.
Love IS….
The Bible explains that love is:
And, if we base our capacity to be in a loving relationship based on chemistry, we are doomed for failure. Just like the ups and downs of Love and Basketball.
So, do you agree or disagree? Is there a problem with falling in love?
Last week Morris and I moved to Nashville, TN. Morris’ job relocated him to the Nashville office, and I got to come back to my hometown.
This was the smoothest move I’ve ever had. Because all of our worldly possessions were packed, labeled, loaded, driven to Nashville, and stored by a moving company. It was a weird, but beautiful thing to see all of our dishes, pictures, and valuables (read: one 20″ inch TV) wrapped lovingly in bubble paper while we sat on the couch and watched.
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| Cleaning Couture |
We did have to clean up, though.
Leaving D.C. was Tough
It was tough to leave my friends and colleagues that I’ve grown to love over the past 6 1/2 years. It was tough to leave our church family where Morris and I have grown in our marriage and faith. And, it was heartbreaking to leave all my friends.
I cried so much one day, I gave myself a headache. I think it was all the farewell parties, cards, well wishes, and (even) a poem.
Reality hit me: I won’t see these folks on a regular basis. And, I’m going to miss them.
The Good, The Scary, and an Identity Crisis
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| Me & My Nephew |
The move is good, because we’re in the same city as my family, and we’re now driving distance from Morris’ family.
But the move is scary, because I left my respectable job as an energy analyst to be a writer.
You profession is indicative of your status in D.C. And, you can’t go anywhere without someone asking you (within 2 minutes of meeting you) “what do you do?”
Translation: Are you important enough for me to bother with?
I’ve almost bought into that mindset.
Morris and I are going to a BBQ this weekend, and I’m already rehearsing how to answer that question.
Am I having an identity crisis?
Maybe.
But, I think it’s a good thing.
Maybe I was too wrapped up in trying to impress people. Maybe this phase will lead to some much-needed self reflection. And, maybe this phase will lead to something awesome! Either way, I’m thrilled about the possibilities and the free time to focus on my dream.
Forgive me for Silence
As you might have noticed, I’ve been away from this blog for two months. Please forgive me. I thought that I could balance it all i.e. :
It’s good to be back. Love, Simone
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| Image | David Wygant |
I had a problem when I was single. I didn’t know how to talk to guys. I know what you are thinking. “Simone, you are the farthest thing from shy?! What was your problem?”When it came to guys that I thought I might like…I had a bad habit of ignoring them. I got all nervous, and couldn’t think straight, and couldn’t make coherent sentences.
In other words, I lost all sense of normalcy. So, I resorted to ignoring them in an effort to keep from saying something completely stupid.Here is a typical conversation that I might have had with a guy that I have no interest in what so ever.
Conversation A
Simone: Good Morning, Titus! How are you?
Guy A: Good, Simone, how are you?
Simone: Well, thank you. Did you have a good weekend?
Guy A: I did, but I didn’t do much watched the game, hung out with some friends, and went running. That’s about it.
Simone: Sounds like you had a good weekend! I went running too, but the heat made it pretty tough. I’m going to try and run earlier next weekend. Are you training for anything?
Guy A: Yes, the Marine Corp Marathon. I’ve run it a couple of years in a row.
Simone: Whoa! That’s awesome. I dream about doing a marathon one day, but I’m not there yet. Congratulations on setting that tremendous physical goal, Titus. It was good to talk to you. Have a good day!
Guy A: You too, Simone. See you later.
Now, for the conversation with the guy that I thought I might like…but I had no idea because I’ve never had a decent conversation with him.
Conversation B
Guy B: Hi Simone! How are you?
Simone: Well, thank you.
Guy B: Did you have a good weekend?
Simone: Yes, thank you.
Guy B: Oh, what did you do?
Simone: Nothing much, just hung around.
Guy B: Well, that sounds nice. Have a good day, Simone
Simone: Thanks.
Why on Earth did I do this?
Things worked out in the end, and I wound up with my dream man. But, it turns out I’m not the only one with this problem.
If you too get a case of the heebie jeebies when it comes to talking to guys… try these 3 tips:
E-mail : simone@myfamilyfantastic.com
Twitter : @msimoneboyd
YouTube & LinkedIn: M. Simone Boyd
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