Category: Family (Page 5 of 7)

Finding a Mentor Matters

November 5, 2013 / Simone / 2 Comments

We all know about the power of coaching for athletes. And, mentoring in professional relationships. But, have you ever thought about mentoring/coaching for all aspects of your life and family? For example, Morris and I have marriage mentors. And, when I first “went natural” I had a hair coach. I also have a blog coach.

It doesn’t take a lot to form these relationships. It is simply realizing that someone has more knowledge than you in one area of your life, and exercising a bit of intellectual humility.

Intellectual humility is the point when you realize and embrace the fact that you don’t have all the answers. When Morris and I have kids I’ve already picked out Parenting Coaches. But, I wanted to share four things that I look for in a mentor/coach.

1. A Coach/Mentor must be trustworthy – If you are going to entrust this person with your hopes and dreams, you must be certain that they are someone that will keep your dreams safe, be excited, and help you reach them. I once told a colleague at work about my plan to grow out my relaxer and embrace my natural kinky curls, and she proceeded to list all of the reasons why I shouldn’t do it. She was not a dream keeper.

So, I came home and enlisted the help of my neighbor and friend, Jes. And, the support of Jes made all the difference. Jes has beautiful hair and has been natural for several years. Jes was excited for me. She told me everything she learned during her natural hair journey, gave me hair products to get me started, told me where to shop for hair products, and e-mailed me lots of websites with the best information available. In short, Jes armed me with the knowledge needed for a healthy transition and cheered me on toward success.

2. A Coach/Mentor must have the heart of a teacher– I made a new friend in September, her name is Ashley and she is a professional blogger. A professional blogger! I met Ashley at a wedding while waiting in line at the restroom. She asked me about my profession, and I took a deep breath and explained that I’m an energy analyst for the federal government but I really want to be writer. And, she explained that she’s been a professional blogger for 7 years and offered to help me.

Ashley is the primary reason for the improvement in this blog content over the past several weeks. She listens, asks pointed questions about my ideas and goals, and then she gives me homework and tasks to help move me toward those goals.

3. A Coach/Mentor must keep you accountable – I told my friend, Barbara, that I wanted to be leave my job as an analyst and be a writer. Barbara is an editor for a large D.C. publication, and she reviewed my writing samples and helped me submit column ideas to newspapers. The big writing gig hasn’t come along yet, but Barbara always asks about my progress and keeps me accountable when I get discouraged.

4. A Coach/Mentor must be where you want to be – I guess this could be applied to anything, though. If you want to be a millionaire…ask a millionaire for financial advice. But, I apply this to our marriage mentors. Our marriage mentors have been married for forty plus years. And, they still have A LOT of fun with each other. You can’t be around Ron & Cheryl and not laugh. The finish each other’s sentences and are deeply in love. Morris and I want to be where they are in 40 years.

Now, it’s your turn. I would like to know how you are using mentoring/coaching to improve your life and family? If you don’t have a mentor, but would like one…let me know and I’ll help you find one.

It Was Hard to be A Christian Today…

October 9, 2013 / Simone / 0 Comments

Someone was cruel to my brother today, and I wanted to fight them.

But, I can’t.

Because I’m a Christian.

We, Christians, are supposed to “love our enemies, turn the other cheek, and pray for those that use us.”

But, that is hard to do…

So, I am resorting to crying, blogging, and praying ( in that order).

While The Parents Are Away….

October 5, 2013 / Simone / 0 Comments

….the children do play. My 26 Year-Old brother, Izo, is running the house while my parents are away. He sent me this video of dinner this week.

The Cinco Plant

September 11, 2013 / Simone / 0 Comments

“If you take me out of this watering bucket, I will bite you”

It was a hot sticky August day.

And, my brother Isaac was watering his plants.

I guess he had been outside too long, because my nephew Cinco climbed into the watering bucket.

To me, the look on his face says “If you take me out of this bucket, I will bite you.”

A Kind Rejection

September 1, 2013 / Simone / 0 Comments

Last week, I received a kind rejection note from one of the magazines that I submitted an article to. Although, I was a wee bit disappointed that I was rejected…the editor was gracious enough to respond in three days and give me constructive criticism.(Typically, editors respond in three months…if they choose to respond.)

My previous two submissions were met with complete silence, and I am thrilled to hear back from someone. So, for me, getting a response is 1) progress and 2) encouraging.

I’ve been on a quest to escape my boring job for 18 months. And after repeating the grueling process of informational interviews, submitting applications, following up, and interviewing for umpteen times. I’ve decided to give up the non-profit job search and refocus my efforts on writing. You know that question that interviewers ask you “Where do you see yourself in five years?”

I would always think “Honey, I plan to be on a book tour for my first novel by then.”

But, I would always say “I would like to stay with the organization as long as the relationship is mutually beneficial.” Because you can’t tell an organization that counsels people or educates children that you want to write a novel that tells stories of families conquering life together. Typically, writing novels does not fit into their respective strategic plans.

So, I’ve decided to write with the same fervor that I gave the job search and we’ll see what happens. I don’t know where this writing journey will take me, but I do know one thing- persistence is the key to being successful.
Morris and I studied persistence last week in 12 Traits of the Greats, and it says that “great achievers often achieve great things simply because they refuse to give up. They don’t retreat in the face of setbacks. They don’t shirk in the face of disappointment, and they don’t quiver in the face of delay.”

In my own family, my brother, Isaac, is the model of persistence. He has been relentless in his pursuit of a degree in sociology. Despite setbacks, discouragements, and having to balance being a husband, father, and having a full-time job…he graduated this year. And now, he has been asked to present his Senior Thesis at a sociology conference. I’ll be leaning on Isaac for advice heavily as I pursue this book tour dream, and reminding myself of Winston Churchill’s speech “Never Give In“.

Photo from My Black Piano

I know that you too are pursuing goals and dreams. So, let’s stick with it and keep me updated on your progress…and I’ll write about your journey and we’ll get to the finish line together. Lauzi, a Chinese philosopher, said that “The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.” So, we might as well get to steppin‘.

Guest Post: On the Road to Nineveh and Getting to Destiny

August 15, 2013 / Simone / 1 Comment

Obie, My Nephew Cinco, and Me

My life has been interesting from the start. I was born at home and delivered by my father. I weighed 11 lbs and 12 ounces. Needless to say, I was a huge baby. While growing up, I always seemed like the “special one” out of the rest of my siblings. And when I say “special” I mean; they thought I was mentally challenged!I didn’t talk until I was age five. And, I was confused about my race. I know, special right?

But, going into my highschool days there started to be a sense of normality, or so I thought. I was a typical teenager whose mind was not focused on school but rather on hanging with girls and playing Nintendo games. This was the “I can’t” era of my life.

If there was something that was challenging, I always went to the mindset “I can’t”. It started with school, but overflowed into my everyday life. I started to see that I couldn’t complete simple tasks. It was to the point where my mom and older sister, S.B., were ready to whisk me off to military school.

My junior year, my father gave me an ultimatum. Either I could quit soccer which I loved and play basketball which I despised or I could not play sports at all. I had played soccer since I was four. Soccer was a love and a passion. If I had continued playing soccer and my father had not heard the Lord, and more importantly acted on it- there is no telling where my life would have gone. In high school, I was standing at a stout 5’7, and I am currently standing a lean 6’9. Needless, to say my dreams to play professional soccer would have been short lived. This is why God established families, and designed them to have a father.

Fast forward, I started off at a community college with my older brother, Izo. He helped guide me through the process of how to survive college life and how to get things accomplished. Not only did that set a precedent on how to handle situations, but it also taught me to work hard and keep a cool head through adversity. Which are some of the key reasons why I have succeeded. When my brother left, graduated and moved on to the next step the Lord had for him…I lost my strength. In Ecclesiastes 4:9-10, it says two are better than one. And without strength, I fell into despair. I was on an island surrounded by a sea of adversities. And many I swam through, but you only can stay afloat so long by yourself.

To give you a visual on how the direction of my life was going I compare it with the story of Jonah and the whale. My father, while I was young, heard the Lord and spoke my life into a purposed destiny, but like Jonah I strayed away from what I know I was suppose to be doing. I decided to go my own way, and just like the story of Jonah I spent a good a bit of time in the belly of the whale. For me it wasn’t a whale, but I was alone surrounded in a sea of uncertainty.

I still had family, but instead of reaching out I tried to do everything on my own. And, I relied on my own resources. In the end, I quickly sank to the ocean floor weighed down by struggles and I had no idea of where to go. During my sea of uncertainty God took my broken life, fixed it, and he blessed me with a beautiful baby boy.

My Beautiful Boy

This baby boy, honestly, brought me back to the light. I knew the road I was going down was that of destruction. But to see my son be born, and with his eyes open and hands in the praying position… my heart melted. And on March 23, 2013, I knew I had to get back on track. So, the Lord allowed me a second chance to fulfill my destiny. I’m not quite to Nineveh yet, but I’m on the road…. and I know it will be a beautiful journey.

Getting to Destiny-
Zaiah

A Family Reunion

July 18, 2013 / Simone / 2 Comments

A few week’s ago we had a family reunion for my dad’s side of the family. It turned out great, but it was a rough road to get there. You see, my dad and his siblings don’t have parents anymore. My grandfather died in July of last year. And, he hadn’t been in the ground 6 hours before the fighting began among the siblings.

So, we, the grandchildren, staged a coup de ta.

We sat down and had a VERY long talk about how their sibling squabbling was affecting us as grandchildren/children. It wasn’t pretty. And, we realized that even we (the grandchildren) had some stuff to work out amongst ourselves.

But, the end result was good. Our parents agreed to let us take over the family reunion this year. They agreed not to talk negatively about each other… to each other. And, they agreed that we have to stay close even though their parents, our grandparents, are gone.

Our family is mending, and we had a great family reunion. Lots of good food, games, rest, a trip to see the Motown Revue, and a black bear stopped by for a visit. Thankfully, he didn’t stay too long.