Creating Experiences That Help Relationships Thrive

Category: Family (Page 6 of 7)

A Model Mother

If you have been following this blog for the past 19 months, you’ve meet 8 of my 12 family members.

My Family Fantastic

You’ve met my husband, dad, 4 of my 5 brothers, 1 of 2 sisters, and both my cute nephews. You have not read about my mom (Elizabeth), youngest sister (Shannel), or my fourth brother (Manny).

Let’s start with Elizabeth, because she is a model mother. My mother (a former Paris runway model) has lead quite an interesting life. She was chosen as one of a handful of students to integrate her school in 1964.  She then went on to become the first black homecoming queen of her university. Post-college Elizabeth went on to conquer the fashion world in Paris, Milan, and New York City.

Elizabeth in NYC Circa 1978

But then my dad (ever the salesman) convinced my mom to marry him and move down south. Elizabeth had  plans to be a fashion buyer for one of the local department stores, but then I arrived.

And, before I knew it…I had seven siblings and my family seemed quite strange in comparison to others.

Elizabeth home schooled most of us. Opted to have home births administered by midwives. Grew a lot of our food in the back yard. Eliminated the use of microwaves as a health precaution, and didn’t allow us to watch TV during the week. Looking back I can see that the tough decisions my mother made, shaped me and my siblings for the better. But, the strangeness of my family did not go unnoticed by our relatives.

As a result, most of our holidays were spent with just our clan. But, there is an upside to being isolated from extended family…me, my siblings, and my parents are a close-knit bunch.

I am especially close to my mother. Even though, I am married and live 700 miles away…we talk almost everyday. Whenever I go home for an extended period of time, my mother always finds time in her schedule to make my two favorite meals: spaghetti and fried fish. Because my mother is generous, kind, and enthusiastic. In fact, I can always tell when one of my siblings had a particularly challenging athletic event the evening before. Because she always sounds like an eighty-year old chain smoker when she loses her voice the day after.


Sometimes, however, my mother’s enthusiasm can get the best of her. I often tell her haste makes waste. Cut once measure twice. But, I think at this point she is just used to having 9 people depend on her. So, whenever she can get ahead of the game she aims to do so.

One such opportunity reared its head at Thanksgiving a few years ago, before I married Morris.

 

The Lifetime Wedding Planner

Thanksgiving is HUGE in my house, and it is the holiday that everyone tries to make it home for. We had all gathered around the table and were preparing to say the blessing, when my mother announced that she had a gift for me. My little sister ran to get the gift bag and handed it to me with a beaming smile.

The lovely gift bag held a beautiful book that my mother purchased on sale…The Lifetime Wedding Planner. It was complete with budgets, bows, envelopes and everything one needs to plan the perfect wedding. One minor problem. I wasn’t even dating anyone…and haven’t for several years. My five brothers erupted in laughter. And I, I wanted to crawl under a rock.Boy, did she get ahead of the game.

But, that book turned out to be quite handy when Morris and I got married last year.

I guess that’s what makes Elizabeth a model mother, because she thinks ahead and plans for what will be…not what is.

 

Me & My New Nephew

 My new nephew made his arrival six weeks ago. As you may remember, it was a bit of shock to know that he was coming. But, he is here and he is wonderful. I spent some time with him last weekend, and all I could think about is protecting him and keeping him happy. I named myself “his favorite aunt”.

And, we have a song. New York, New York was my secret  weapon whenever Baby Isaiah got a little fussy. And for some odd reason, it worked like magic in calming him down.

As a family, we have a lot of things to figure out. How do we care for him without overstepping the boundaries of being extended family? How do we manage when he is with his mother’s family and we don’t get to see him? How do we trust God in a situation that seems so messy?

For right now, we are taking it one day at a time and praying a lot.

Isaac and the 42

Isaac, my first brother, and I got off to a rough start before he was even born. When asked if I was excited about being a big sister, I informed people that I intended to throw him in the trash as soon as he was born. You see, I had four glorious years of being an only child before Isaac made his grand entrance into the world on August 1st.  Please note that Isaac even had the audacity to steal my birth month.

Isaac and Me on his first day home

But, as time went on my sentiments changed and I began to love and even defend the little guy. Once, when my brother was playing in a basketball tournament and a guy from the opposing team fouled, in my opinion, a little roughly. I ran out onto the court, tackled the offender, and proceeded to inform him that if he laid another hand on my brother I would smack his face.

The poor 12-year-old didn’t know what hit him. I was 16ish at the time and probably should have known better, but I simply could not tolerate my brother being knocked around. I have matured since then, and I no longer threaten to smack people.

My brother Isaac has matured also. He is a wonderful father to Isaac V, husband to Rebekah, and a budding actor. He was an extra in the movie 42, that opens this weekend. The 42 is backed on the life of Jackie Robinson, the first black american to play in American Major League Baseball.

But, this is not Isaac’s first acting gig.  At 5, he was featured in Beary Bear’s Bedtime Bible Stories. The video series was filmed for several weeks, and Isaac was paid $10 dollars per hour, which amounted to a small fortune in the early 90’s. I can’t help, but think Isaac’s role in the 42 is a sign of his big future ahead. Isaac graduates from college in May, and I am excited about what is ahead for him.

Isaac IV and his son, Isaac V

 

 

The Text Message

The text message read: “Family, Conference call tonight at 8:30 p.m. Please call in.”

 My heart sank, and I felt uneasy. I knew it was going to be bad news.

This brother had NEVER set up a conference call before…so it could only be bad news. At the end of the conference call the news had been revealed: He was going to be a dad in March.

He is my third brother and the most gentle and kind of them all. In a house of ten, he usually waits to eat last.  He laughs a lot and loves to dance. And my friends describe him as approachable, even though he is 6 feet 8 inches tall. He is two months away from college graduation, and had plans to play basketball overseas. He has no career. No money and no way of supporting a child.

I have grappled with this bad news for weeks. At first, I was livid. How could he be so foolish? How could he shame our family like this? Second, I was sad. Because this is not how I envisioned my brother’s life going. I had hoped he would graduate, go overseas, play basketball, make a lot of money, come back to the United States, get married, start a family, and be the bestest and coolest middle school history teacher ever.

I know that sounds crazy…you can’t plan someone else’s life.

But, I realized something today. I have plans for all of my siblings lives. Not detailed plans, but hopes for them. I want them to excel and do well in life. I want one of my sisters  to be the best women’s basketball player ever and I want my other sister to achieve her dream of being an architect. I want my first brother to have a job that he loves and make a lot of money, I want my second brother to be an award-winning broadcast journalist, I want my fourth brother to finish school, focus, and find out his purpose in life, and I want my fifth brother to graduate from high school and play division I basketball and not talk to girls so much for the fear that he’ll end up like my third brother.

My third brother has started a family, and his son will be he in a few weeks. And, I am proud of the strength and courage he has exhibited. He wants the baby to live with him, and he is seeking custody. He is more focused and determined than I have ever seen him. He is working on the weekends, he is on the track team, studying in the early mornings and late at night, and attending classes during the day.

The arrival of my new nephew is quickly approaching. Even though, he wasn’t in my plan for my brother’s life…I take comfort in knowing that God’s plan for my brother’s life is much better than mine.   My hope now is to be a loving aunt and supportive sister.

My Nephew’s First Snow

My nephew is a year and half and lives about 700 miles away. I don’t get to see him often, but his mother is wonderful about sharing special moments with long-distance family. Every couple of weeks she sends pictures and videos to us. I think this video perfectly captures my nephew’s personality.

Back 2 Basics

I realized something a few months ago. This blog has been all over the place Japan, Jury Duty, Goals, etc. The original intent of this blog was to introduce me, my family, and our antics. I have introduced Michaela (one of my two sisters), Issachar (one of my five brothers), and my Dad. However, I think this blog has disproportionately been about me and Phillip.

So, in an effort to get back to basics, I will continue with the introductions of my family members for the next few postings. 

# 34

My little brother, Issachar, is not so little anymore. Despite the fact that he is 15, he is 6’1” tall. Thankfully, even though he is a teenager, he is still a sweet heart.
 
I talked to him last week, and learned that my parents are really loosening the reigns in their old age. He is only 15, but he is allowed to talk to girls on the phone to discuss “homework”. That type of behavior definitely would not have been tolerated with the 90’s version of my parents.
 
Never the less, I am very proud of my little brother. He is on track to be admitted to the Honor Society next year and he plays basketball.  Here is a brief video of him, number 34. My mom and dad can be heard yelling in the background.

 

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