My Family Fantastic

Creating Experiences That Help Relationships Thrive

Category: Relationships (Page 10 of 12)

Gazelle Intensity: Do You Have It?

September 28, 2013 / / 0 Comments

Eighteen months ago Morris and I embarked on a journey to become debt free. As a couple, we had acquired $58,000 worth of debt in student/car loans. Someone told us about the perils of debt, and how it enslaves you and prevents you from building wealth. The someone was Dave Ramsey.

Dave says that if  you’ve gone into debt, you need to work as hard to get out of debt as a gazelle works to run from a cheetah. He references Proverbs 6, it says:

My child, if you have put up security for a friend’s debt
    or agreed to guarantee the debt of a stranger—
2 if you have trapped yourself by your agreement
    and are caught by what you said—
3 follow my advice and save yourself,
    for you have placed yourself at your friend’s mercy.
Now swallow your pride;
    go and beg to have your name erased.
4 Don’t put it off; do it now!
    Don’t rest until you do.
5 Save yourself like a gazelle escaping from a hunter,
    like a bird fleeing from a net.

So, we got gazelle intense.

We stuck to a budget. We downgraded our dates to Chipotle, Chick-fil-A, and Subway. We sacrificed trips. We checked out movies at the library, lived in a studio apartment, we made our lunches for work…and this week made our final student loan payment. And, now we are debt-free! Here is a video of Dave explaining Gazelle Intensity.

  

 

How to Dig Your Marital Grave in the Quickest Possible Way

September 23, 2013 / / 2 Comments

I opened the refrigerator door last week to discover that two bags of frozen vegetables had been removed from the freezer, opened, and placed in the refrigerator.

The bags of vegetables were identical.

Both bags were clearly labeled:  KEEP FROZEN.

Yet, the vegetables had been left in the refrigerator.

This was a major problem. And, I was furious.

Only one other person lives in our 300 sq ft studio apartment. So, I knew immediately knew who to blame.

Why had our Trader  Joe’s Country Potatoes with Haricots Verts & Wild Mushrooms been carelessly moved to the refrigerator?

Each bag cost $2.99. ( A total of $6.49 with tax).

Didn’t I always say “waste not, want not?”

This was clearly wasting.  And, hungry children across the globe could have feasted for a week on $6.49.

I thought about calling Morris at work to inquire about the reason for leaving frozen vegetables in the refrigerator. But, I decided against it.

Thankfully.

On the way to work, I was saved by the words of Dale Carnegie in How to Win Friends and Influence People.  In Part Six of his book, Carnegie describes the great tragedy of Abraham Lincoln’s life – his marriage. For almost a quarter century, Mrs. Lincoln nagged and harassed the life out of him.

She was always complaining, always criticizing her husband; nothing about him was ever right. He was stoop-shouldered, he walked awkwardly and lifted his feet straight up and down like an Indian. She complained that there was no spring in his step, no grace in his movement; and she mimicked his gait. She didn’t like the way his huge ears stood out at right angles. She even told him that his nose wasn’t straight, and on, and on, and on. Did all this nagging and scolding and raging change Lincoln? In one way, yes. It certainly changed his attitude toward her. It made him regret his unfortunate marriage, and it made him avoid her presence as much as possible. While a circuit attorney, he remained out on the circuit for three months in the spring and three months in autumn. Other attorneys managed to return home for the weekends, but Lincoln dreaded to go home. So, he didn’t. Such are the results that Mrs. Lincoln obtained by nagging.

The aforementioned chapter is entitled, How to Dig Your Marital Grave in the Quickest Possible Way.

And after reading it, I decided that $6.49 and two bags of frozen vegetables were not worth nagging about.

By the way, there was a perfectly reasonable explanation for the vegetables to be in the refrigerator: Morris was thawing them to eat for breakfast the following morning.

A Kind Rejection

September 1, 2013 / / 0 Comments

Last week, I received a kind rejection note from one of the magazines that I submitted an article to. Although, I was a wee bit disappointed that I was rejected…the editor was gracious enough to respond in three days and give me constructive criticism.(Typically, editors respond in three months…if they choose to respond.)

My previous two submissions were met with complete silence, and I am thrilled to hear back from someone. So, for me, getting a response is 1) progress and 2) encouraging.

I’ve been on a quest to escape my boring job for 18 months. And after repeating the grueling process of informational interviews, submitting applications, following up, and interviewing for umpteen times. I’ve decided to give up the non-profit job search and refocus my efforts on writing. You know that question that interviewers ask you “Where do you see yourself in five years?”

I would always think “Honey, I plan to be on a book tour for my first novel by then.”

But, I would always say “I would like to stay with the organization as long as the relationship is mutually beneficial.” Because you can’t tell an organization that counsels people or educates children that you want to write a novel that tells stories of families conquering life together. Typically, writing novels does not fit into their respective strategic plans.

So, I’ve decided to write with the same fervor that I gave the job search and we’ll see what happens. I don’t know where this writing journey will take me, but I do know one thing- persistence is the key to being successful.
Morris and I studied persistence last week in 12 Traits of the Greats, and it says that “great achievers often achieve great things simply because they refuse to give up. They don’t retreat in the face of setbacks. They don’t shirk in the face of disappointment, and they don’t quiver in the face of delay.”

In my own family, my brother, Isaac, is the model of persistence. He has been relentless in his pursuit of a degree in sociology. Despite setbacks, discouragements, and having to balance being a husband, father, and having a full-time job…he graduated this year. And now, he has been asked to present his Senior Thesis at a sociology conference. I’ll be leaning on Isaac for advice heavily as I pursue this book tour dream, and reminding myself of Winston Churchill’s speech “Never Give In“.

Photo from My Black Piano

I know that you too are pursuing goals and dreams. So, let’s stick with it and keep me updated on your progress…and I’ll write about your journey and we’ll get to the finish line together. Lauzi, a Chinese philosopher, said that “The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.” So, we might as well get to steppin‘.

Guest Post: On the Road to Nineveh and Getting to Destiny

August 15, 2013 / / 1 Comment
Obie, My Nephew Cinco, and Me

 

 My life has been interesting from the start. I was born at home and delivered by my father.  I weighed 11 lbs and 12 ounces. Needless to say, I was a huge baby. While growing up, I always seemed like the “special one” out of the rest of my siblings. And when I say “special” I mean; they thought I was mentally challenged!I didn’t talk until I was age five. And, I was confused about my race. I know, special right?

 

But, going into my highschool days there started to be a sense of normality, or so I thought. I was a typical teenager whose mind was not focused on school but rather on hanging with girls and playing Nintendo games. This was the “I can’t” era of my life.

If there was something that was challenging, I always went to the mindset “I can’t”. It started with school, but overflowed into my everyday life. I started to see that I couldn’t complete simple tasks. It was to the point where my mom and older sister, S.B., were ready to whisk me off to military school.

My junior year, my father gave me an ultimatum.  Either I could quit soccer which I loved and play basketball which I despised or I could not play sports at all. I had played soccer since I was four. Soccer was a love and a passion. If I had continued playing soccer and my father had not heard the Lord, and more importantly acted on it- there is no telling where my life would have gone. In high school, I was standing at a stout 5’7, and I am currently standing a lean 6’9.  Needless, to say my dreams to play professional soccer would have been short lived. This is why God established families, and designed them to have a father.

 

Fast forward, I started off at a community college with my older brother, Izo. He helped guide me through the process of how to survive college life and how to get things accomplished.  Not only did that set a precedent on how to handle situations, but it also taught me to work hard and keep a cool head through adversity. Which are some of the key reasons why I have succeeded. When my brother left, graduated and moved on to the next step the Lord had for him…I lost my strength. In Ecclesiastes 4:9-10, it says two are better than one. And without strength, I fell into despair. I was on an island surrounded by a sea of adversities. And many I swam through, but you only can stay afloat so long by yourself.


To give you a visual on how the direction of my life was going I compare it with the story of Jonah and the whale. My father, while I was young, heard the Lord and spoke my life into a purposed destiny, but like Jonah I strayed away from what I know I was suppose to be doing. I decided to go my own way, and just like the story of Jonah I spent a good a bit of time in the belly of the whale. For me it wasn’t a whale, but I was alone surrounded in a sea of uncertainty.

I still had family, but instead of reaching out I tried to do everything on my own. And, I relied on my own resources. In the end, I quickly sank to the ocean floor weighed down by struggles and I had no idea of where to go. During my sea of uncertainty God took my broken life, fixed it, and he blessed me with a beautiful baby boy.

My Beautiful Boy

This baby boy, honestly, brought me back to the light. I knew the road I was going down was that of destruction. But to see my son be born, and  with his eyes open and hands in the praying position… my heart melted. And on March 23, 2013, I knew I had to get back on track. So, the Lord allowed me a second chance to fulfill my destiny. I’m not quite to Nineveh yet,  but I’m on the road…. and I know it will be a beautiful journey.

Getting to Destiny-
Zaiah

How to Ask Your Hubby for Help

July 30, 2013 / / 0 Comments
Photo from Hello Beautiful

I’ve hit the jackpot twice. First, when I was born into my family. And second, when Morris, my husband, asked me to marry him. Being raised in a loving, family of eight children has taught me about people, how families operate, and how to overcome the challenges that life brings every day. I’ve also learned from being married for 15 months.

 

And, my friends often ask me, “What should I look for in a husband?” “How is married life?” and “What advice do you have?”

 

And, I said to myself “Self, what if you could help your friends and others avoid your mistakes?” I did not answer myself, because that would just be crazy. But I hope you, as the reader, will learn from my mistakes and not repeat them.

 

I recently learned how to ask my husband for help.

I found that it is different from asking my brothers for assistance. Asking my brothers for help was more like telling them to do something. And, Morris was having none of that.

A few months ago, I mentioned to Morris that we had a friend’s barbecue to attend. Admittedly, I did not give him much advance notice, the affair was an hour and ten minutes away, and he had never met these friends.  But, he was getting barbecue out of the deal!
 

And, I could not figure out why I was getting the “almost silent treatment.”  The “almost silent treatment” consists of one-word responses, shrugs, and grunts. Finally, I figured it out. I had taken away his time, and Morris was grumpy.We talked about it, and I learned from that experience.

And, this spring…I got the asking right.
While sitting at our monthly budget meeting, I broached the subject of spring cleaning. I was a bit timid at first. “Hey, honey, you know there is a lot of work to be done around here…have you seen how dirty those base boards are? We are going to have to do some serious spring cleaning.”

After a bit of back and forth, Morris agreed to block off a Saturday for the benefit of cleanliness and order in our home. Success!

 

Because I’m Baptist, I’ll give you three tips on how to ask
your hubby for help:


  1. CONSIDER HIS PLANS

Show him that you are not selfish. Ask if he has plans.

 

  1. ASK EARLY, AND REMIND HIM

The bigger the task, the more time he needs to mentally prepare. I asked three married/engaged guys about this subject, and all of them said the same thing. “Ask early, and remind me.”

 

  1. DO NOT CONVEY A SENSE OF URGENCY IF IT IS NOT URGENT 

As women, we often like to do things now, simply because we’re thinking about it. But, things don’t always have to be done right now. Let’s not confuse the important with the urgent. So, when there is an urgent need…our men will run to the rescue.

Financial Peace

July 26, 2013 / / 0 Comments

 “75 Percent of the marriages that end in divorce, end because of finances.” That’s what our Deacon told us during one of our premarital counseling. And, it made me think…”if Morris and I could get on the same page with regards to finances, we could avoid a lot of headache and drama down the road.”

So, we enrolled in a class at our church called Financial Peace University. The course was two hours a week for 12-weeks, and it was grueling. There were chapters to read, budgets to balance, conversations to have, etc. But, at the end of the course…we understood more about each other, how we view money, and how we hope to raise our children.

You see, Morris never had to go without anything as a child. Money for him, is simply a resource. I, on the other hand, view money as security.

Growing up in a family of eight children, made me believe money was always elusive. It always seemed that we never had enough. We frequently ate beans and rice, and rice and beans. And, I can remember having our electricity cut off a few times. But, my mother always tried to make it fun for us. We would light candles and “campout” in the living room. It is hard to raise a family of ten on $30,000, but my parents did it and still managed to give generously to others.

Morris and I plan to give generously also. But, right now we are focused on paying off our student loans (although we do give to our church). Since we began the Financial Peace plan in January of 2012, we have paid off $48,000 worth of debt.  We have $5,532.20 to go until we are debt-free, and it is exciting that we will soon reach our goal. But, I’m more excited that being on the same page with money has brought us so much closer together.

Matthew 6:21 says that “where your treasure is there will your heart be also.” And, both of hearts are in the same place- using money to build toward the future. And not, spending it on the latest gadgets, trends, or status symbols.

So, tell me. How do you view money and why?

ps: Four of our friends/family have taken the class, and one couple is already debt-free. Go Team Watkins!  You can read about their road to financial freedom here

A Model Mother

July 11, 2013 / / 0 Comments

If you have been following this blog for the past 19 months, you’ve meet 8 of my 12 family members.

My Family Fantastic

You’ve met my husband, dad, 4 of my 5 brothers, 1 of 2 sisters, and both my cute nephews. You have not read about my mom (Elizabeth), youngest sister (Shannel), or my fourth brother (Manny).

Let’s start with Elizabeth, because she is a model mother. My mother (a former Paris runway model) has lead quite an interesting life. She was chosen as one of a handful of students to integrate her school in 1964.  She then went on to become the first black homecoming queen of her university. Post-college Elizabeth went on to conquer the fashion world in Paris, Milan, and New York City.

Elizabeth in NYC Circa 1978

But then my dad (ever the salesman) convinced my mom to marry him and move down south. Elizabeth had  plans to be a fashion buyer for one of the local department stores, but then I arrived.

And, before I knew it…I had seven siblings and my family seemed quite strange in comparison to others.

Elizabeth home schooled most of us. Opted to have home births administered by midwives. Grew a lot of our food in the back yard. Eliminated the use of microwaves as a health precaution, and didn’t allow us to watch TV during the week. Looking back I can see that the tough decisions my mother made, shaped me and my siblings for the better. But, the strangeness of my family did not go unnoticed by our relatives.

As a result, most of our holidays were spent with just our clan. But, there is an upside to being isolated from extended family…me, my siblings, and my parents are a close-knit bunch.

I am especially close to my mother. Even though, I am married and live 700 miles away…we talk almost everyday. Whenever I go home for an extended period of time, my mother always finds time in her schedule to make my two favorite meals: spaghetti and fried fish. Because my mother is generous, kind, and enthusiastic. In fact, I can always tell when one of my siblings had a particularly challenging athletic event the evening before. Because she always sounds like an eighty-year old chain smoker when she loses her voice the day after.


Sometimes, however, my mother’s enthusiasm can get the best of her. I often tell her haste makes waste. Cut once measure twice. But, I think at this point she is just used to having 9 people depend on her. So, whenever she can get ahead of the game she aims to do so.

One such opportunity reared its head at Thanksgiving a few years ago, before I married Morris.

 

The Lifetime Wedding Planner

Thanksgiving is HUGE in my house, and it is the holiday that everyone tries to make it home for. We had all gathered around the table and were preparing to say the blessing, when my mother announced that she had a gift for me. My little sister ran to get the gift bag and handed it to me with a beaming smile.

The lovely gift bag held a beautiful book that my mother purchased on sale…The Lifetime Wedding Planner. It was complete with budgets, bows, envelopes and everything one needs to plan the perfect wedding. One minor problem. I wasn’t even dating anyone…and haven’t for several years. My five brothers erupted in laughter. And I, I wanted to crawl under a rock.Boy, did she get ahead of the game.

But, that book turned out to be quite handy when Morris and I got married last year.

I guess that’s what makes Elizabeth a model mother, because she thinks ahead and plans for what will be…not what is.

 

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