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| Image | Telegraph |
Women need love. Men need respect.
Love alone is not enough for a happy relationship. In Ephesians, Paul says “Each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” This is not a suggestion it is a must.
You may say “Simone, I am not married. So, this does not apply to me.” But, it does!
I’m learning through my interviews that being respectful is attractive. Being disrespectful is unattractive. For example, a girl my husband once dated told him that he wouldn’t be a good father, because he spent too much time working and studying for graduate school. He dumped that girl.
Respecting Men Will Help You Attract Men
If you are respectful, you will attract men. One of the guys I interviewed said that respect is critical, because he needs to know that someone values his ideas, respects his opinions, and that he has support.
Black men, especially, need our support. People are simply not lining up to tell them that they are loved and adored. Let us not forget that +Richard Sherman is a thug, despite being a Stanford graduate and Justin Bieber is our misguided youth, despite drag racing, drug possession, and egg throwing.
The Crazy Cycle
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| Image| Love & Respect |
In his book, Love & Respect, Dr. Emerson Eggerichs says that when a man feels disrespected, he may react in ways that feel unloving. When a wife feels unloved, she may reacts in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband.
Dr. Eggerichs tells the story of his parent’s marriage. Mrs. Eggerichs made a good income, and it enabled her to live without Mr. Eggerichs resources. Mrs. Eggerichs sent her husband the message that she could get along without him, by making financial decisions without consulting him. Mr. Eggerichs felt insignificant, offended, and hurt. And, often responded in an angry manner which left his wife feeling unloved.
Respect Research:
+Shaunti Feldhahn interviewed more than one thousand men for her book For Women Only. Chapter 2 is dedicated to her findings regarding love and respect. She says that women can show respect by:
- Respecting his judgment. A man deeply needs to know that the woman in his life respects his knowledge, opinions, and decisions.
- Respecting his abilities. Men like to figure things out. The problem is we want to help them, and this translates into distrust.
- Respect in public. Dozens of men told Ms. Feldhan that it was painful when their wives criticized them in public. But, the opposite is true too. If you praise him in public, he will feel adored.
How to Show Respect:
- Refuse to engage in conversations that degrade men. When your girlfriend says “Girl, you know men don’t know nothing about (insert topic). Do not agree. We believe the things we hear ourselves say. If we believe men are good for nothing, we will treat them as such.
- Admire men. It will improve the way you treat them. Men are attracted to women that admire them. Not in the sense that we, oogle or objectify them. But, that we appreciative their gifts, talents, and strengths. Don’t you like it when someone admires you?
- Compliment Men. If you are married, publicly praise your husband. If you are single, compliment the next five guys you see that are attractive. My friend recently began telling men that she thinks are attractive that they are, and in return she is attracting and being pursued more.
- Question: How do you show respect to your spouse? If you are single, how will you practice respecting the men in your life?
Hey Simone! Good article. One of the best things I ever done I early in my marriage was to take the advice of The Lord – when I heard him say- do not ever talk bad about your husband and never entertain others talking bad about hi m. Not even from his mother or your mother!!!! Speak life over him, encourage him and give him RESPECT! After many years of obeying my Lord, I see the rewards of it indeed. God bless!
Hey Nan! Thank you so much for sharing your story. This is proof positive that respect is key. And, that took courage not to let his own mother speak negatively. Speaking life and encouraging is critical, and what a gift to be reaping the rewards to your obedience. Love you…Simone
Great post – and congratulations!! Eileen and I attended one of these conferences hosted by Capital City Church a few years ago. What a simple, but proud framework for helping couples! The ideas have helped us a lot. What's so empowering about a cycle like this is that we find we can actually do something about relationships we're not happy with. We don't have to WAIT for someone else to do something. By doing out part, we can invoke the response we need from them. Thanks for sharing!
Thanks, Harrison! I like what you said about the empowering of a cycle. It is SO true, if we change, the situation changes, and inevitably the relationship changes. What you said is key, we don't have to WAIT, for someone else to change. It starts with us.
Btw, I ordered your book, The Honor Cycle, last week and I can't wait to read your insights on family relationships.