Creating Experiences That Help Relationships Thrive

Tag: Fear (Page 2 of 2)

The Death of Decency

Image | BET Networks

Last week the television series, Being Mary Jane, concluded its 8-week run on BET. The show followed the life of Mary Jane Paul, a successful news anchor that has a tumultuous family and love life. She dates and pursues a relationship with a married man.

The troubling fact is, that in an effort to promote the show, BET urged women to take to social media and explain why they are Mary Jane. Thousands of women responded for the chance to be featured on a commercial break. And it made me wonder, why is there a constant stream of indecency nowadays?



Media Rewards Indecency
Say you are Mary Jane, and we’ll give you a commercial. Beyonce bares her backside on the Grammy’s, and her album sales skyrocket. Miley Cyrus shakes her fanny, and she is rewarded with millions of YouTube views. And, the Boston Marathon bomber is featured on the cover of Rolling Stone. The message we send is do something harmful, indecent, or reckless, and everyone will pay attention.
Hurt People, Hurt people
Only a hurting person would purposefully wreak havoc on someone else’s marriage. Perhaps Mary Jane is lonely. Perhaps she is scared she will wind up alone. Either way she is hurting and she is determined to ensure that others hurt.  Mary Jane may intend to head toward “happily ever after”, but her direction is headed toward heartache and heart break.

The Principle of the Path
In his book, the Principle of the Path,  Andy Stanley says that direction-not intention-determines our destination.  If I get in my car and drive toward I-95 South headed toward Richmond. My destination is ultimately, Richmond. It doesn’t matter that I intended to go I-95 North to Baltimore and visit the aquarium. The same is true in life.

If your actions and decisions are headed in the direction of heartache and heartbreak, that will be your ultimate destination.

People Need Truth
The Mary Janes of the world need people that will tell them the truth, reach out, and pray with them and for them. Indecency thrives when we sit by, shake our heads, and do nothing.

We Are in a Battle
The death of decency is simply a symptom of a deeper problem. John 10:10 says that the enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy. But, I came that you might have life and it more abundantly. The death of decency is all a part of the enemy’s plan, and it is played out every single day when a husband is stolen, a family is destroyed, or an innocent is life taken.

But, Christ came that we might have life and it more abundantly. Pĕrissŏs is the Greek word for abundantly, and it means superabundant, beyond, superior, excessive, and superfluous. And, that’s the life Christ wants for me, you, and even the Mary Janes of the world.

Question: What factors do you think are contributing to the death of decency? How can we fight those factors? 

A Face of Courage: Antoinette Tuff

Last week, Morris and I studied courage. In the series, The 12 Traits of the Greats courage is defined as the mental or moral strength to venture. 12 Traits explains that courage is more about action than forethought and that success is simply the action of getting of the bleachers and getting involved.

Antoinette Tuff
Photo from Gwinnett Daily Post

That’s what Antoinette Tuff did this week when she persuaded a would-be murderer at an elementary school to put down his AK-47 and surrender to the police. She got involved.

 

Ms. Tuff didn’t wait for others to get involved. She didn’t wait to see what was going to happen. She didn’t analyze the perils of getting involved. She just went with the wisdom of Nike and just did it.

 

And, because of her courage untold lives were saved.

12 Traits says that when you force yourself to do the opposite of what your natural tendencies are telling you to do, and when you turn toward fear instead of away from it, your fear shrinks.

After hearing the story of Ms. Tuff, I decided to start marketing my writing again and shrinking my fears. You see, I had a couple of story ideas rejected in the past year…and it takes some time for me to bounce back. So, I haven’t submitted any articles to publishers in weeks. But, hearing Ms. Tuff’s story inspired me and gave me courage – I submitted three stories this week to newspapers and magazines.

 

Other folks in my family are shrinking their fears too. My brother, Izo, is leaving his job at a mortgage company this week to pursue his dream of being a producer- with no job prospects in sight. And my brother, Zaiah, has a tryout with a developmental team for the NBA in early September.  I’ll keep you posted on our progress.

Courage has many faces, and here are a three that inspire me:

Sir Winston Churchill
Photo from Wikipedia
Tank Man in Tiananman Square
Photo by Charlie Cole
Cesar Chavez
Photo from Wikipedia
What  face of courage has inspired you?

Overcoming Fear

Google says that fear is an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain or a threat. Fear can also be paralyzing i.e. the fear of doing “something” is often worse than actually doing the thing you fear.

But, I overcame one of my fears last week–networking.

The idea of networking makes me nervous. Because it conjures up visions of a whole bunch of folks buzzing around, pretending to be interested in one another, exchanging business cards, and making promises to e-mail and “do lunch.”

I have successfully avoided networking for the past five years, but since I am seeking to change career fields it seems that the time has come for me to overcome this fear.

The training event that I attended last week had networking written all over it. So, I set out with the goal of meeting 3 people.

“Just 3 people, SB, you can do this. Just meet 3 people.” I gave myself a pre-training pep talk. But, when I arrived at the conference all the courage I had summoned–evaporated.

I must have looked pretty pitiful too; because Steve, from the EPA, offered to help me find my way to the registration table. My anxiety eased a little because I had not even entered the building and I had already met one person.

But, then I entered the building. And, all I could see were throngs of people that all knew each other and knew where they were going and there I was by myself…and I felt like an outsider. So, I checked in at registration and regrouped. I skipped breakfast, and went to the opening session early. So, that I could sit in solitude and not face all the networkers eating breakfast together with all of their bestest friends.

However, someone sat beside me. I said good morning and we started to talk. It turns out that Jeff is the president of a local university. So, I began to feel a bit better because I had met two people and the first session had not even started.

By the end of the event, I had met nine people. Three times my goal!

And, I learned something about myself. I realized that I am uncomfortable walking up to a stranger and introducing myself. However, if I sit next to a stranger…I can talk to my new best friend all day. I think the key for me is the one-on-one interaction.

But, it made me think…what other people and opportunities have I missed because of fear?

Don’t get me wrong though. Some fear can be good. For example, the fear of being poor makes me work really hard, budget, and save. The fear of being unhealthy makes me eat 7 to 9 fruit and vegetables a day and go to the gym 3 to 4 times a week. And, the fear of God makes me want to live a life that is pleasing to Him. So, when it is time for me to go…I am ready.

Fear can be a good thing because it pushes us. Or fear can be a bad thing because it holds  us back.

What fears do you have that push you or hold you back?

Jury Duty and the Home Wrecker

My maternal grandfather (not the grandfather I lived with for two years), cheated on my grandmother throughout their entire marriage. His indiscretions led to him fathering two children. I was two years old when my grandmother passed away, but his mistake colored my perspective of cheating spouses forever.

I loathe cheaters. As a Christian, I ought not loathe anyone. However, whenever a cheating scandal is alive and well in the media. I can’t help but think that the cheater is being maligned accordingly. In my view, Kobe Bryant deserved to be prosecuted, President Clinton deserved impeachment, and Tiger Woods had it comin’. I could continue.

My disgust for cheaters reared its ugly head while I served on Jury Duty too.

A gentleman on my panel, flirted openly with a lady juror. He was wearing a wedding band, and she was not. She whispered in his ear, he would laugh, and I would shoot them dirty looks. I even discussed my problem with Morris and explained that the gentleman and the “raggedy home-wrecker” came to jury duty together and spent all of our down time fawning over each other. Morris forbade me to confront the couple, but said that I could continue to give them the stink eye.

I was partially obedient. I gave them dirty looks, and sat uncomfortably close to the couple. My plan worked. The lady sat farther away, and at least they could not hold hands. I felt triumphant, because on my final day of jury duty there was no public display of affection between the two.

At the end of the trial, we had to pick a foreman. The gentleman declined to be foreman, because his wife was serving on the jury.

WHAT?!?! 

Yes, the gentleman and the lady I described as the “raggedy home-wrecker” are married.

Lesson Learned: Don’t jump to conclusions, Simone.

Question: Has jumping to conclusions ever made you look ridiculous? Looking for a friend. 

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